11.1.11

Happy anniversary dear glasses

This blurry image celebrates my 21st anniversary as a myopic and astigmatic.
I was 9 years old when I walked home from school with the wrong mother. But I don't think it was my poor vision's fault; in the 80's all mothers had the same hairdo. The fact that she kept saying 'sweetie, I'm not your mother' while I was holding her hand wasn't relevant to me. It was just heartbreaking.
So my (real) mother took me to the doctor for a vision test. I was given one of those test glasses with interchangeable lenses and the doctor said 'well, can you read those letters?' 'Letters -I said-, what letters??'
My mother burst into tears and the doctor quickly changed the lenses. 'Try now' -the doctor said. I was hoping for an alphabetical order but it wasn't that easy 'Ok, that's... N, B, P.... no wait, M, P, R... or maybe L?... R? Z? X?!
Blaming my Spanish teacher was useless. The next day I became the sixth person with glasses in a household of seven, leaving my brother as the only family member with a healthy vision and confirming my theory that, despite all his teasing, he was the adopted one. (Years later during a psychoanalysis session he would recall the sense of isolation that derived from that, reproaching my parents for not giving him the same myopia they gave to their other children).
It turn out that other than suffering from myopia and astigmatism my right eye was specially 'lazy' and I had to wear a patch to cover my good eye so the lazy one did extra work while the other was on vacation. I find that was totally unfair under the Basic Conditions of Employment Act and I completely understand why my lazy eye refused to cooperate. Very soon my left eye got used to good easy life under the patch and since then a competition started to see which eye would be the laziest. That led to an unstoppable escalation of diopters that reached indecent levels. Anyway, wearing the patch was fun because I loved drawing fake eyes on it to scare people around.
My first glasses were thick-rimmed, pink and red. They had a pink neck cord with a little mouse at the end. My nerdity shone with all its glory.

6 comments:

  1. that's hilarious laura, the thought of your heartbreak should make me cry too , but i just hollered with laughter instead, and your brothre must have been envious of your pirate disguise ?
    you know you have to share a photo of you and those lovely first glasses and matching mouse ??????.
    ps i like your blurry hair

    ReplyDelete
  2. If I were in my parents house I would be tempted to scan some old pictures of me with my first glasses, or even with the second pair (which was even worse...)
    Really embarrassing material.
    Fortunately, 1200 kilometres keep me safe from ruining my reputation.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh dear. Were we separated at birth? I was nearly nine when my poor vision was picked up by my teacher. But the glasses just made my eyes lazier and lazier and now I am rendered useless without thick ( even though I have the lenses thinned) glasses.

    Now that I am aging (late 30s), I am noticing that I am becoming long sighted and taking off my glasses to read novels. Perhaps one will cancel out the other and I will enjoy perfect vision... xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. This post is so hilarious! First time I ever visit your blog. I have high expectations for the rest now! xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey, esa historia es genial!!! Es la vida misma muy bien narrada.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hahaha you are very funny!!

    I also had a lazy eye and used a patch... made me look like a well-behaved pirate. I think my eye is still lazy...

    ReplyDelete